not labeled for individual retail sale

16.2.06

what goes around comes around what goes up must go down

Today was chilly. It was pretty. Our physics teacher didn't show up for lab. I hope he's okay. Our physics department has taken a blow. One fired, one dead... one just as mad as I am (that's why we get along)... another depressed, and one just purely incomprehensible. Oh dear. What will happen? I'm scared. And tired. 200 mg caffeine pills. Kept me awake.


Keep me awake.


Something happened yesterday that made me smile. Laptop doors were
so open, mine was so closed... the sky made fascinating patterns and I fell head over heels in love with a beautiful mirage. I had never heard sweeter words uttered, I swear! Haha, it was adorable. I wanted to hug it like I used to hug things - no trace of bitterness, no trace of fear that I might lose the game. The second class let out. Somehow I found the voice to yell over the chatter of the group to the other side of the bamboo-vine. Same difference, same difference.


Keep me awake.


Sundae bar was open today. I looked over at her; she gave me a look of pure disapproval.

"Don't you dare," she hissed.

I merely shrugged. Kanye West could have done better.


Keep me awake.


My friend used to tell me that there was no point in going to bookstores if all you were going to do was look at books. That's what libraries are for. He insisted, every day we shared together, that we opt for the local bakery instead. You see, it was a perfect excuse to shower me with pointless fructose corn syrup, to pamper me, to make me feel wanted and to make me know that I wasn't so lacking. Up until last week, he kept to his word. Bookstores are for owning, libraries' for rent. Huge distinction, will make a fuss out of it, will touch my hair gently and then pretend like his hands didn't go there. Then he bought this partial differential equations book from a bookstore. He read it all on a Thursday night. "This is a terrible book!" he declared, looking at me with exasperation. "I wish I looked through what I was buying at the bookstore before grabbing it! =("

And that's what I call 139.99 ill-spent.


Keep me awake.


Frozen. The doors were frozen again. Trader Joe's make me so weepy. This nice guy, who was probably gay, smiled at me congenially and asked, would you like a frozen strawberry? I looked at him with shock. It was so kind. No one has ever been this kind to me. I dropped my mask for a second, picked up the delicate packaging around the strawberry, held it for a moment, and said... thank you....
God, one instant, and I'm broken.


Keep me awake.


Just to hear you say you haven't been drunk in 3 months. I
am proud of you. I really am. I am proud past words.


Keep me awake.