not labeled for individual retail sale


what microsoft did to win my love and virginity

It was the first time I had sweat stuck to my shirt before I left for the library.

It was also the first time I took off at a leisurely pace, the first time I crossed the street immediately, and the first time I made myself a nice rice snack. There's always a first time; then you lie about all your other times and pass them off as first.

I seriously thought about hurling my laptop into the pretty blue waters of our swimming pool today. Someone put a pipe in it or algo así, and water kept frothing out of one corner as if a wicked kid dunked himself under there, kicking until all the oxygen left his lungs and his legs were just mechanical detachments. Whatever was making the bubbles, I didn't stay long enough find out. I was probably more interested in escape.

Cute. Cute is a good word to describe our kitchen. If I opened one cabinet, all the others start to smell from old age and rotten wood. Because of this, I've always been extra careful to open one and then shut it immediately - not because I was afraid of stench, but because I could trick the neighboring oak into thinking that I wasn't going to open it again. Today was no different. I pulled on it, slammed it close, and pulled on it again, this time reaching for a red and transparent package. My mother had recently bought me a large batch of seasoned seaweed, and I eagerly tore the wrappings open to pop a few in my mouth.




No, really.

I swallowed and started to read was written on the front of the package. I stopped when I realized everything was in Japanese. No, wait a minute, look - there, see it? that says "la wei". Which means hot flavor. Funny. The ingredients list on the back said nothing about spice.

No matter; none of this got in the way of making my snack. The only thing that would was a person - a person other than myself, of course. At one point I slumped over the sink when I thought I heard someone coming, but let up again in relief after a mere second or two. False alarm. They've been happening a lot more than usual, eh?

Jasmine rice.

Another commodity made available by my dear mother since I had praised the rice at that one Chula Vista restaurant so highly. Damn, it smells so good - even after cooking, after lifting the lid repeatedly to refill my bowl during lunch. I wondered how Jasmine rice viewed itself. Tasty? Slender? White? Separate, qiu qiu, heterogeneous? Lista? I giggled. ¿Estás lista, o no? I pictured one of them whispering sweet nothings to another after a difficult day of sitting calmly in the water. Or did another stupid rule in physics dictate that Jasmine rice wasn't sentient, and even if it were it couldn't observe itself anyway? Stupid physics.

I barely remembered what should have used as a container, but I do know that I ended up with an odd-shaped styrofoam cup. My fingers had groped instinctively for the fourth one down; the first three stacked above had almost toppled out had it not been for my head, which butted it back into place.

Then I grabbed the white spatula and started scooping ungodly amounts of rice into the cup. I ripped the delicate seaweed into pieces, spent around thirty quality minutes with my sister, the single chopstick, and by the end of the hour I had made a yummy treat that would last only a minute.

My hair protested as I went out the door. The cup was now safely tucked into my Targus laptop case, after I layered on top of it two yellow, spread-out napkins tied firmly down with a red rubber band. Saevar said zugg scanned all the pages of the sixth Harry Potter book and extracted the text forming a lot of htmls. But I know better. Microsoft did it, and I'm planning to marry it soon. He gave me the zip file and went offline, and now I have something to do without pretending to be working, or busy, or rereading Ender's Game, which I have already done.
liquid dot nitrogen at gmail dot com, if you don't already have one. But I'm sure you already do.

Life is funny, you know? I didn't pre-order anything, nor did I get into a long line of noisy people pushing each other to their deaths get the first copy. But I did get a digital version in which certain r's were replaced with t's because the software got lost sometimes when it tried to translate the page. And funny - that I was curious as to how long the file "30.html" was, but by opening it, I have spoiled one of the things for myself. I know who died, you know. Just ask me.


It's not Slovakia, or the Czech Republic. It's Czechoslovakia.


  • *sigh of relief*

    thank heavens. I thought this was going to be a story about Bill Gates.

    By Anonymous Anónimo, at 23:10  

  • i'm only commenting on this because i hate seeing the grammatically incorrect "1 comments"...

    piece of shitty code can't even do an if/else...


    By Blogger little miss demosthenes, at 19:01  

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