not labeled for individual retail sale

13.7.05

fuchsia always spells itself wrong

My feet smell if I stand in a puddle of pink foam for a very long time. This observation has been scientifically proven (please refer to the latest entries in hep-th), and furthermore supported by the below empirical evidence. Before I went with mum to wash my car today, my feet didn't give off any suspicious odors. After my nice black shoes got soaked with, oh, let's just say, disgusting fuchsia cleaning agents, I went home with not only ruined shoes but stinky feet. Fortunately, this is only temporary. With a shower I'll be as spiffy as...um...when I was born.

So lately things have calmed down. Father came home with a complaint and a headache, two things that should never mix, but do frequently anyway. He was bitching about his work again, and how if he had read this composite thing earlier he would have "astounded his interviewer" [original quote in Chinese]. Then he asked me if I remembered how to extract a characteristic polynomial.

"Dad, I don't have an LA book," I replied.

"No no no, I just want to know the sec eq stuff. Why should a kid your age need an LA book to begin with?"

I felt like choking him then. But I thought, if I choked him right now, what would be left for me to do when I feel really, really angry? That's right. Stuff Wikipedia in his mouth.

So I plunkered off feeling rather shitty because I had promised to help him (a guy his age shouldn't forget linear algebra in the first place), which equals translating four pages of encyclopedia mush into a difficult language. The said pages include words like "field", "eigenvalue", and most notably, "fuck you!". That's a lot of work for me.

Did I mention, I've never taken linear algebra in my life before? That's totally not a problem, because according to my parents, I've been solving differential equations since I was 12!

I wish.

Anyway, he ended up not being able to spell 'polynomial', because talking over the phone is like talking to your deaf grandmother, who can't hear you in the first place. After thirty minutes of hard work, he exclaimed at how beautiful the encyclopedia is, coughed several times, and hung up. Wow. Thanks a lot, Dad. I love you too.

Today he came home with a 40 pages worth of shit because he clicked on every fucking link the article had and printed it all out. He explained to me that his high school never focused on matrices a lot, and (in a very pretentious air) told me if I could understand it all he'd buy me a cow or something. Come on, Dad! Lots of your colleagues probably don't know what the Laplace forumla is (I bet Vince doesn't). Admitting it is the first step.

I went outside to patter on my keyboard before I had a chance to tell him that he was looking at the wrong similarity link. He started scribbling in the middle-school geometry area, and printed out the topology section too, leaving the portion squished in between, which was clearly marked, blank. How touching.

To make this entry slightly more whiny, I will conclude with an unhappy note. Later on I went to Henry's because they had sweet deals like 97 cents per watermelon (limit two!) and 67 cents per pound green beans (limit six pounds). But then I went to see Mother self-wash our vehicle [details I will not include], and I got my glasses all waxed. Conclusion: pissed off.

Moral of the story: Australian kids are really smart.

10 Comments:

  • So sorry about the Linear algebra problem. Just so you know, the only important thing that will ever be used in higher math that is taken from Linear Algebra is one of those mushy words, field. Ignore all the rest because it isn't really used in math (though statistical mechanics and physical chemistry make quite a bit of use of eigenvalues to solve the Schroedinger equation for energy, momentum, etc.)

    By Anonymous Anónimo, at 07:40  

  • why are you apologizing? if anyone should be apologizing, it's my father. *wink

    fields are my hero.

    also, your spelling of schroedinger makes me angry toward these comment boxes again because they don't allow exterior accents.

    okay, so until next time: thank's for being sorry, hehe ;P

    By Blogger little miss demosthenes, at 15:14  

  • The comment boxes are quite annoying, and I am sure that several people turn over in their graves over that spelling.
    I have never ever heard anyone refer to fields as being their hero, most people tend not to like fields much, despite their usefulness.
    Actually, after taking a 1 semester course in it, I must say Galois is my hero, and the things he did with fields at an age when most college students just start to learn about them.

    So, thank you for letting me know someone out their under 20 enjoys algebra as well.

    By Anonymous Anónimo, at 20:38  

  • actually, if you bother to open something like word and umlaut your o beforehand, you can paste it successfully here. but most people hate word with a passion and do all their work on latex anyway.

    my real hero is enrico bombieri, but i tend not to let that show. being labeled a fangirl is...um...*gets defensive* so what! i *am* a fangirl! what are *you* going to do about it?

    oh, and, another thing - i don't mean to be a harbinger of awful news, but i don't know any abstract algebra. i just pretend i do. it works on 99% of the population. i also happen to make a lot of drunk genius friends, so it's not surprising that every day at seven am, my computer begins with, "let an affine homeomorphism occur between our beloved geometric objects Mr. Wiggles and Mr. Piggles..."

    By Blogger little miss demosthenes, at 17:34  

  • well, being an anonymous comment person, there isn't much I can do about your being a fan girl. I could just call up the NSA, have them do all sorts of security stuff, but they might have more important things to do....maybe. As far as abstract algebra goes, nobody really knows it, it's all just made up. The only useful thing I ever got out of it was being able to draw a 17 sided figure which took like 3 hours. If i had a choice, I would rather have knowledge of shucking corn then algebra, because corn is good. That is all.

    By Anonymous Anónimo, at 00:59  

  • i work for the nsa.

    ps: i can teach you how to shuck corn if you can teach me abstract algebra ;P

    By Blogger little miss demosthenes, at 22:49  

  • I almost worked for the NSA, i wouldn't get my fingerprint though. I like to keep fingerprints to myself.

    Sounds like a deal for the shucking corn and teaching algebra. Though algebra is much easier to learn then shucking corn, i would guess, because, i can't really think why.

    By Anonymous Anónimo, at 01:02  

  • the deal's on, then? you admitted yourself that my task of teaching you how to shuck corn was more difficult than yours of teaching me algebra. i think this is a fair deal, considering i'm a busy teenager who has more to do than shuck corn all day.

    wait...

    how old are you?

    By Blogger little miss demosthenes, at 20:36  

  • and i have more to do all day then teach algebra, being the busy teenager that I am. Though, at 19, I don't really consider myself a teenager anymore. and, when i say i have more to do then teach algebra, about half of that is being lazy, so it might not count.

    By Anonymous Anónimo, at 00:01  

  • nifty; i think we should stop talking over comments, so i'm going to stop. we *could* carry this lovely conversation over aim or something, but honestly, i don't think there's anything left to say.

    By Blogger little miss demosthenes, at 18:17  

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